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~SarcasticxPoetess

[K a o r u] jessiCUNT<3
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every story that i've told is part of me.

Fri Feb 20, 2009, 9:44 PM
  • Mood: Optimism
  • Listening to: how i go - yellowcard


it's been over a year since i've posted anything here. i don't have enough heart to fully close my portfolio, but i'm tinkering with the idea. deviantart has been kind to me for the past four years, but i think i've had enough. maybe one day i'll make a new account and showcase my newer pieces, but for now i'm concentrating on the present and on my future.


just to catch everyone up, i'm eighteen and a senior in high school. i'm graduating in may, then headed to the university of florida [gators! <3] to pursue my degree in clinical psychology, with probably a minor in creative writing or theatrical arts.

on the writing front... i've written a few short stories lately. i'm beginning on a novella that will be completed soon, as well. the most exciting news is that i won best of show [district-level] for a stageplay i wrote last winter. i'm currently rewriting it [i believe this is the sixth draft] and it will be produced in april! so i'm, to say the least, thrilled.



and... not much else. i work two jobs that i'll get to quit in august [hooray] and i'll be looking for an apartment soon. my wonderful boyfriend and i have been together nearly two years and i couldn't be more blissfully in love with him. my friends are still my world and, more importantly, my inspiration.


so... i'd say that life has improved itself in every way over the past few years. thanks to my watchers [though the large majority are my friends] for your support and guidance. if i do make a new account i'll post it here. in the meantime, you can find me on livejournal, myspace, or on aim; leave a comment if you need either screenname [though you should all probably have it already].


much love,
xoxo jessica

No Comments

have heart, my dear.

Tue Sep 18, 2007, 6:52 PM
  • Mood: Pride
  • Listening to: run - snow patrol
  • Reading: 'rise to rebellion' - shaara

we're [bound] to be afraid.



'ello lovelies. <3


not much to report from my end...not for several months, it seems.
life is uneventful, but pretty goddamn rad.

life has changed a lot for me since school started. i went back to live with my mom, but i still only see her twice a week. i'm working a part-time job on top of everything else i'm doing, and i'm beginning to really like what i do. [i work in retail]

i never really did get to have my grand adventure this summer [i never made it up to NC, in other words], but it all happens for reasons i don't have to understand yet.

school is a bitch. nine classes, three of them being AP and two being online, is a lot of work...but for once, i'm enjoying what i'm learning [with the exception of chemistry]. AP psychology is a really great class and i'm excited to see what this major will bring to me in a couple of years when i [hopefully] get into the university of florida. <3

i've been hopping from subject to subject, but back to my family... i don't have to go to individual therapy any more. i'm a lot less anxious and have begun to deal with my problems head on. <3 my mom doesn't stress me anymore [because i tell her not to], and i'm slowly learning that i deserve to be loved. (: and am loved.

my friends are still the fantastic people they always have been, but the more i think about it, the LESS drama there seems to be [ironically]. i think we're all growing up a lot and realizing that we only have two years left together. there's no time for senseless bullshit, just more fun and stuff.

i get my car at the end of the month. (: so there will be more fun to be had [and more money spent].


for all of you interested in my love life [it is a very popular question nowadays], i'm fine. we're fine. we will leave it at that. <3



hm.
i will have a new domain soon.
any name suggestions will be gladly appreciated.



homecoming is in a couple of weeks.
i bought my dress today. it's crimson with a black overlay.
ohmygod it's so pretty. nobody will be here to appreciate it. .-.
but i'll still feel beautiful. (:


the only two negatives to life right now [besides a lack of free time] are that i can't speak to my far-away friends as often, and there are people in my own school that won't shut the fuck up about me.

but these are minor things that will be dealt with.
i have always loved a scandal, and darling,
if you don't leave me the fuck alone, i'll be sure to deliver it to you.
<3



but that's okay. jealousy is an ugly emotion, and this time, i am on the hated end. [it's a nice change].



i have all i need.

love,
jessica.



ps - themes will come as soon as i have more than ten free moments to sit down and write.
but i will finish the list. for i love jane. <3

1 Comment

and under red lights . .. . .

Fri Jun 29, 2007, 10:25 PM
  • Mood: Longing
  • Listening to: we are broken - paramore
  • Reading: on writing - steven king
  • Eating: linguine
  • Drinking: sprite

i'll show myself
this [wasn't] forged.




Status of the Twenty Five Themes Project:

1. Adoption
2. Prodigy
3. Trespass [Idea in mind.]
4. Polygamy
5. Custody
6. Greed
7. Chain Reaction [Idea in mind.]
8. Heist
9. Magic
10. Opening Night
11. Tattoo
12. Waiting
13. Cheating
14. Prophecy
15. Hangover
16. Superstitious
17. Goodbye
18. Deadline [Idea in mind.]
19. Lust
20. Addiction
21. Discipline
22. Cloning
23. Outcast
24. Cards
25. Wish




Wow, a lot can change in two months...
I feel a little better all-around. My anxiety is slowly...going away, so to speak, but I have a long way to go and little insurance left to cover it. Hm.

In two months time, I've really not done much. Life is pretty average [but not terrible, so there's something]. I'm strengthening my bonds and am making good friends into best friends, best friends into lifelong friends. With this being said, the themes project is back up and running, and at full-speed, I might add.

Right now my main complaints are usually of restlessness, my father's presence [to a small degree], and that my separation anxiety is hitting all-time highs. Long-distance relationships are not for the faint of heart, I suppose. [<3]

And, one last note... Everyone needs to go buy Paramore's newest album, "RIOT!". It will change your life. Or at least provide some good music to walk to. For me, it's both.


<3 Jessica.







keep me safe inside
your [arms] like towers.


1 Comment

i could be mean, i could be angry.

Sun Mar 18, 2007, 6:58 PM
  • Mood: Anger
  • Listening to: just like you - three days grace



You thought you were there to guide me.
You were only in my way.
You’re [wrong] if you think that I’ll be just like [you].





I'm going back to therapy.

Fuck this crying-on-the-floor, suicidal, unworthy bullshit. I used to be a very happy person, I used to have self esteem, I used to not need the love of others to be happy.

And now I can't. But others won't love me until I love myself.


And some still won't love me at all.






But I'm going to make myself better.
So fuck you all.


4 Comments

face down in the dirt

Sat Mar 17, 2007, 8:37 PM
  • Mood: Worried
  • Listening to: "face down" - the red jumpsuit apparatus

she said,
"this doesn't hurt."







Break has had it's ups and downs, mostly downs, but I'm still sad it's almost over. Scared, too, and I don't know why... I guess because I'm going to be thrown back into the unknown, again. Maybe because everything has this slow settling, sick sense of dread attached to it...


It's getting extremely hard to sleep again. I don't know why the past and the future frighten me as much as they do when they're displayed as they are... but I can't sleep. I'm so goddamn scared, and no one wants to believe or understand me.


It feels so alive, I guess.







Rant time;


1. If you treat me the way she treated me, I won't take you back with open arms. I will fucking hate you.

2. Why can't you drink enough to say that you love me?

3. You're the only hope I have right now. I believe in you us.

4. I want the drugs to forget everything you've tried to instill in me.

5. If you were here, I'd never let you down, I'd never leave you alone...maybe neither of us would hurt.

6. You think it's cool that you ditched me for your boyfriend. But honestly, I don't care that much.

7. You're a lot stronger than you think you are. You'll survive before I do.

8. You complain too much and it pisses me off.

9. I keep relearning how amazing you are. <3

10. I'm too afraid to let go, but I want to. I'm sorry.




Chickenhearted way of saying all that I want to.

I'm sorry.
I'm just too...scared.


2 Comments
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